Les élèves de 5ème immersion se sont joyeusement prêtés à un exercice d’écriture de nouvelles. Chaque élève a d’abord fourni des éléments qui devaient ensuite être présents dans l’histoire rédigée par son voisin :
- le cadre spatio-temporel
- la description du personnage principal
- quelques-unes de ses répliques
- certains objets présents dans l’histoire
- quelques mots à insérer.
Le résultat, c’est une série d’histoires drôles, absurdes, jolies ou glauques. Certaines présentent une morale, d’autres en sont totalement dépourvues. Mais toutes valent le détour. Voici les histoires des élèves qui ont accepté de rendre leur travail public.
There lived an old man in a small town of Arizona in the 60s. He owned a filthy toy shop that did surprisingly well. Everyone in the town knew him; some were scared of him (most of them, in fact) and to others he was a very respectable man, probably only because he dressed well, was tall and quite handsome. Somehow, he knew exactly where every toy was in his shop even though the place was incredibly messy and confusing. It happened several times that a child lost their way in the obscure aisles. Despite the scary aspect of the shop, people still came because the seller was nice and charismatic, but mostly because every doll and every toy were unique. The old man, known as ‘the collector’, was very mysterious about where he found the items he sold.
One day, when summer had just begun, the collector opened the front door of the shop at 8 in the morning like he used to. His first customer came at around 9.30 am. It was a little boy, smiling from ear to ear. He entered the store with big, jumpy steps and walked towards the 70-year-old man. The collector recognized him: he came every week to look at the toys but never bought anything. He said in a funny voice, ‘Good morning, Sir.’ ‘Good morning, kid. What can I do for you?’ He responded proudly and solemnly, ‘I am here to buy a toy. It’s my reward for helping my neighbor take care of her garden.’ The boy then proceeded to drop his precious coins on the counter one by one. The old man looked at him with a grin on his face and declared with open arms, ‘The toys are waiting for you.’ The little boy followed the man through the aisles. He wasn’t excited about what he saw.
‘So your parents let you go into the town at your age?’
‘I don’t have parents.’
Suddenly he stopped, opened his eyes wide and ran to a teddy bear.
‘Do you like it?’ said the collector, rubbing his hands and raising a brow.
‘Is it true that every toy has a story, Sir?’
‘Absolutely. This one once belonged to a young woman in Portugal. She –‘
‘Wait,’ interrupted the child while looking at the toy, ‘It’s too expensive for me’, he said, visibly disappointed.
‘What is the cheapest thing you have, sir?’
The collector signaled the boy to follow him. They arrived in the dolls aisle so the young boy pulled a weird expression. The old man pointed his finger at a small doll. It had a strange-looking face and sinister eyes. For some reason the boy couldn’t look away from it. The collector whispered, ‘Would you like to know the story of this doll?’ He nodded slowly. The man sat down on a rocking chair that he seemed to be very fond of. ‘You see, this doll is haunted,’ he said.
‘Yes. Don’t be afraid, boy. It cannot move. But I’ve heard it understands everything you say and brings you luck. Unless you mistreat it, because if you do, it will harm you. It is said that several of its owners mysteriously disappeared while asleep after they had lost or hurt this doll. Sometimes, their parents can hear them scream. But don’t forget, boy: if you treat it well, the toy will bring you luck and become your best friend for ever and ever.’
This convinced the boy to buy the doll. The businessman was happy to sell it because it had been in his shop for too long.
A few days later, the old man found the doll alone on the sidewalk. He didn’t pick it up because it was damaged. ‘The boy is going to freak out,’ he thought with a little smile on his face, even if he felt a little guilty he had lied to the kid. He went into his shop to start the day.
When he heard the first scream, he thought he was delusional. And within a month, the toy shop had become an earplug shop.
In 1966, Jonathan Murphy left everything he had to settle down in Ireland and he is now one of the richest gentlemen in the country.
One day, the young man went to the local shop to buy homemade ice cream. He ordered a coconut ice cream, which was for him the greatest thing in the world, paid and held the stick firmly. On his way back to his castle, a scary awful little pervert stole his ice cream. ‘I hate you,’ Jonathan said. ‘OK,’ the stranger answered. Our hero was about to fight the guy but at the last moment he said, ‘Never mind, we’re going to the beach,’ and the two men walked to the beach together. Jonathan bought another ice cream and they had fun together. He found out that the man was called Frederick; he was a writer who had a collection of pencils. When night fell, they went back to the castle and started baking a cake. Jonathan had a friend now. And they lived happily forever after.
Thus, it started like this. I was in the rainforest of Amazonia searching for magic stones. At that time, I was an archeologist. But this goes back to the 70s. I was still tall, before I got old. I looked pretty good but oh dear I was so stupid when I think about it.
When you are in Amazonia, you hear so many sounds that are both great and awful. I remember that I was wearing a purple coat to be seen by everything in the forest, which is one of the best ideas in the world.
I spent six days there; over there, the nights are the worst thing in the world. You always have to have a knife near you, a campfire alone can’t save you.
One morning, when I woke up, I saw that a snake had spent the night right next to me. I said to my guide, ’Hey, look, I have a snake in my boot.’ He answered, ‘Oh damn, may the force be with you!’ and added, ‘I prefer a frizzy-haired beast to a snake.’ I had to pull the animal out of my boot but it was, like, attached to the bottom so I hurled my shoe far away from me. After a few minutes I decided to have a look to see if I could pick it up. The answer was yes, the snake was gone.
During my career, I visited many countries to discover new rocks but this was my most exciting experience because the environment there is so different from here. That was ace! When I went back home, I put all my stones into plastic bottles on which I wrote down the name of the place where I had found them.
Now remember the moral of the story: Don’t forget to look inside your shoes before wearing them!
Let me tell you how I met my husband.
It was a beautiful spring day and I was at the cinema watching ‘The Wind Blows’. Suddenly I felt hungry because, here’s one thing you should know about me, I eat a lot. So I decided to go to the counter to buy Eggo waffles but then I saw a blackboard on which was written, ’Looking for a sexy man? Buy this bracelet and your dream will come true.’ And here’s the second thing you need to know about me, I had been single my whole life so this was probably my only chance. I decided to buy the bracelet and went back to my seat.
But then I needed to pee and I thought to myself, ‘I’m not doing this right here.’ I went to the bathroom. As I was walking back to my seat I saw a sexy man sleeping so I decided to sit next to him. He then opened his eyes and I realized he was actually ugly when he was awake. We started talking anyway and he asked me questions like, ’Where do you live?’ But he was ugly so I didn’t want him to know where I lived and I said, ‘I’m in the ghetto’, which was totally untrue.
As the conversation went on, I realized that even though he was ugly, he was really nice and funny and I fell in love with him. When the movie ended, he invited me for a cup of coffee and as we were heading for the exit, I saw that the ad for the bracelet had disappeared so maybe it was destiny.
So yeah, that’s how I met my ugly but nice husband. I know right? Holy crap!
There lives a legendary potato farmer on the small island of Malta. His name is Julian Babouloz. He’s a small man with black eyes, strong arms, long teeth and a magnificent straw hat. He’s known worldwide for his farm. Once during an interview in Japan, he said, ’I have the biggest farm in the country.’ He works really hard with his hoe to make a lot of money; he harvests potatoes all day.
But there is a problem: his competitor is called Jeremy, his carrots are awesome and he’s making a lot of money. People now want carrots, no longer potatoes. Julian tries to grow a lot of different sorts of potatoes to improve his sales: pink potatoes, black potatoes, etc. But whatever he does, he loses money. One evening, after working in his field all afternoon, he lies down in his bed and says, ‘My life is potato, what can I do if people don’t eat them?’ And he has an insight: ‘I’ll kill him’…
The next morning, he takes a tractor and drives to Jeremy’s farm. He stops by a lake, eats some berries, swims for half an hour to relax and plays on his cellphone. Once he is done, he goes back to his tractor and listens to the radio on the way.
He arrives at 6 pm. The sky is getting dark and he enters Jeremy’s farm. The man is counting his carrots. Julian jumps on his back and breaks his neck. In 2 seconds, he is dead. Julian has a bit of fun doing this but no regrets. He drags the body to his potato farm and digs a hole in his field. ‘It’s hot,’ says Jeremy before wiping his forehead with his arm. He puts the body into the hole and nobody ever finds out who committed the crime.
Now, Julian makes more money than ever and lives his life to the full.